Brittani Miller writes here to give us a peak into what Jesus had in mind in the recent MorningStar MSU Special Forces Missions trip I helped to lead to Nicaragua. Thanks for sharing Brittani! Find out more about MorningStar at www.morningstarministries.org.
My trip to Nicaragua was filled with the most amazing highs and lows I have ever experienced. I describe both my lows and highs as amazing because it was during my lowest times that Jesus showed up with incredible power, covering for my inadequacies with his infinite love and glory.
On one particular evening, I found myself standing on stage with a fire in my spirit, but an emptiness in my soul. Our team was giving prophetic words to the Nicaraguan people, but I felt as though nothing I was saying was having significant impact. I had given at least three words from stage with all the gusto and passion I could culminate, and yet, my soul was not being validated by the reactions of any of the recipients. It was a challenge. The Lord, however, was gracious to me. I had received this particular word from the Lord for a person named Mark, or Marco. It was a good word, but I doubted I should give it from the stage. Nothing I had said up to that point seemed to be going deep into the spirits of the people. Then, it was time to transition into ministry. Something inside me stirred, and I knew I had to give the word for Marco. I reached for the Microphone and called out the name. As soon as I opened my mouth, I knew this Kingdom word was for a child. Sure enough, a mother stood up in the back, declaring, “That’s my son!” Before I knew it, this little boy was sitting before me on stage, holding back tears of fear. My heart melted with love. I sat down on stage next to him, looked deeply into his eyes, and gave the prophetic word. As I spoke, I could see his mother being greatly touched and encouraged. She was beaming. God is so good! Thinking of this story reminds me of how faithful and loving the Lord truly is. He chose to use me in one of my weakest places- insecure and discouraged- to touch the lives of his children. This alone, made me feel so loved and validated by my Father.
On another evening, our team gave prophetic, healing, and prayer ministry to a small village church in backwoods farmland. Doing ministry there had to be the sweetest place I have ever ministered. Our team had arrived four hours late to their service, yet the women of the village greeted us with hugs and kisses, beautiful exotic flowers, and a written blessing. If that doesn't say LOVE, I don’t know if anything ever could. During the ministry time, however, I slipped back into the mentality of thinking that nothing I was doing was having significant impact. It appeared that the rest of my team was much more Spirit-filled than I! I wrestled with comparison and discouragement and striving. Then my eyes caught the gaze of a young girl. She had come up next to me as I was praying for an elderly man. There was no interpreter to be found, but I decided to pray for the child anyway. I chose in that moment to abandon every thought in my head that was not the Lord and totally spend myself on her. I prayed for her, I blessed her, I prophesied over her. That was it. At the end of the ministry time, that same young girl found me, stared at me for a moment, then whispered something in my ear that I could not understand. I so desperately wanted to understand her, but I did not speak fluent Spanish. I asked her to repeat it a couple times before finding an interpreter. I knew that what she had said was important. However, she refused to repeat what she had told me to the interpreter. What she said was for my ears only. She had entrusted me with a gift- her trust and her heart. I cannot begin to tell you how loved I felt in that moment. I once again realized that the ministry we did as a team in Nicaragua was not about me, but about the Lord.
As I look back on my missions trip to Nicaragua, I can only smile. SImply stated: this trip changed my life. I went to Nicaragua as an insecure individual who could not easily receive love from anyone. I emerged from Nica as a confidant woman who was overwhelmed by the love of God and my family (team.) I truly believe that this trip was just as much for me as it was for all the Nicaraguan people that we ministered to. Before going on the trip, my heart cry to the Lord was to not just know that I was loved, but to feel that I was loved. And I received what I asked for! I could not escape the love of God in Nica. I was greeted with Love’s song everywhere I turned- from the hugs and support of my team, to the acceptance and smiles of the Nicaraguan people. It was never about my inadequacy to “do ministry” or my lack of ability to receive love. It was always about the Lord’s love and adequacy, and that is good enough for me!